Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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