You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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