You made me cry and you don't even care
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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