Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
