I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
