it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
