so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
