Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
