I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
