dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
