o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
