her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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