mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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