Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm so fucking centered right now
i think my tv is drunk
You can't motorboat a personality
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
