if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
