Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
