I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A+ Viking dick
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
