We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
