Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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