We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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