My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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