whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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