like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
