Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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