Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I want is dick and wine.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
