Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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