This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
