Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
