ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
