ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
