i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
