I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize