I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
