I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
