There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
