literally had 100 drinks last night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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