took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
