I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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