Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
