So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
