I wannas sexs uuuuu
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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