she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
