tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the day after is always just damage control
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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