my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
