Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
