i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
