No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
