The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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