Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
