You can't special order awesome
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize