I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
