filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I FOUND THE LEGS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
