i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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