He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what day is it and did you see me today?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
