you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize