just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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