It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
