I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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