Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
