she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
