I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
