The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
