it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
