Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
