he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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