Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
